i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize