I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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