Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
