and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
BRING THE BAGELS
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
