I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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