Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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