this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
