How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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