I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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