Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
