Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
