why didn't you poke me back
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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