i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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