He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I need to calm my uterus...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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