Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
