She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Need sex. Gaining weight.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
