thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
