there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
