Sponge bath it is.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
