Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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