sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
