im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Randomize
