Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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