There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
