got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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