I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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