You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
FUCK WHALES
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize