I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I would fuck him just for his dog
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
