I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
