He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
