I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
