weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
