i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
