If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
