Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
