If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
