It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Did we literally take a cab across the street
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
