I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Two words: nipple clamps
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