ADVERTISEMENT

• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer

  Fav 102 1602 4052

  share tweet
  

• (303): View more from Colorado

  Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega

  Fav 11 2918 964

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (469): View more from Texas

  Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.

  Fav 10 5614 1509

  share tweet
  

• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Umm you met him three days ago....

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I said what I said

  Fav 30 7917 1998

  share tweet
  
• 

  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (706): View more from Georgia

  just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.

  Fav 5 843 1972

  share tweet
  

• (402): View more from Nebraska

  I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...

  Fav 2 3602 1112

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (214): View more from Texas

  Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.

  Fav 15 1241 3585

  share tweet
  

• (409): View more from Texas

  I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.

  Fav 4 739 1529

  share tweet
  

• (716): View more from New York

  The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.

  Fav 11 2896 907

  share tweet
  
• 

  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (607): View more from New York

  I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...

  Fav 11 1728 802

  share tweet
  

• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."

  Fav 2 740 1084

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.

  Fav 2 656 541

  share tweet
  

• (207): View more from Maine

  I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.

  Fav 0 424 432

  share tweet
  

• (219): View more from Indiana

  My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.

  Fav 2 651 404

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (925): View more from California

  We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.

  Fav 1 7 33

  share tweet
  

Randomize