Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong