And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.