No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
