No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
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We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
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I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it