2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
actually, I'm a sock model
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.