So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
