Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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