So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
