You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
