i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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