I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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