I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
