I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Come on in and take your pants off
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