Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
