wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
