hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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