Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
