You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
