Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
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