She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Rumble strips road head = magical
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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