Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
