A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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