All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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