When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
