toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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