The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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