Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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