i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
