I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
