non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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