This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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