hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
