My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
as a side note pls kill me
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
