Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
When are your genitals available?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
