the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize