found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
