The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
