ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
