turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
