Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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