So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
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Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
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Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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