just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night