I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy