Texts From Last Night

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  (408): View more from California

  Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand

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  (408): Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand http://tfl.nu/h440
  Replies (31) Good night (4845) Bad night (625)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom

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  (806): apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom http://tfl.nu/lh1h
  Replies (11) Good night (1334) Bad night (3427)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am

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  (641): i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am http://tfl.nu/xq9v
  Replies (30) Good night (5065) Bad night (678)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.

  (1-541): View more from Oregon

  Happy Birthday

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  (541): I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry. (1-541): Happy Birthday http://tfl.nu/2hsd
  Replies (14) Good night (3623) Bad night (1087)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.

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  (203): We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved. http://tfl.nu/1hyb
  Replies (31) Good night (5913) Bad night (937)
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  (310): View more from California

  So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes

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  (310): So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes http://tfl.nu/3hm9
  Replies (50) Good night (9055) Bad night (1217)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.

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  (856): You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning. http://tfl.nu/7ekl
  Replies (3) Good night (831) Bad night (1706)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.

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  (417): If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug. http://tfl.nu/ibns
  Replies (6) Good night (2279) Bad night (746)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.

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  (734): Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out. http://tfl.nu/s89t
  Replies (9) Good night (3765) Bad night (744)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.

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  (856): So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying. http://tfl.nu/yw9q
  Replies (2) Good night (1053) Bad night (523)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.

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  (812): I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand. http://tfl.nu/31me
  Replies (6) Good night (1620) Bad night (587)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?

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  (941): When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights? http://tfl.nu/va6d
  Replies (7) Good night (685) Bad night (874)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  YES.

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  (513): People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join? (1-513): YES. http://tfl.nu/e51l
  Replies (3) Good night (1338) Bad night (339)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household

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  (425): Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household http://tfl.nu/3bng
  Replies (5) Good night (908) Bad night (281)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.

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  (423): I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free. http://tfl.nu/3xxx
  Replies (1) Good night (812) Bad night (220)

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