i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
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